Dear Microsoft:
October 8, 2010I recently made an inquiry on your customer support page. On the page, you asked me to provide very specific information on the problem I had. So I did. The email I sent you went like this:
”Microsoft Office 2007 came pre-installed on my computer. In order to activate it, I’m required to enter a product key. However, I can’t find this product key anywhere. Whenever I use the activation assistant, all it says is that it was unable to request it and asks me to check my Internet connection and try again. After about a dozen times of checking, it’s evident that the Internet is not the problem. Since I also installed Microsoft XP on my computer, I would usually just ignore Office 2007. However, whenever I download a Word Document or PowerPoint off of the Internet for my college classes, it only works on 2007. Not only that, but documents I typed up myself on XP will somehow move themselves over to 2007. I recently discovered a WordPad Document in my documents folder that’s called Office2007TrialActivationKey, but the key it provides doesn’t work, as several characters aren’t even valid characters in Product Key. Can you please help me find my product key?”
Now, since you deliberately asked me to provide specific information, I naively assumed you would give me a specific answer. However, when I got a reply back, all it did was give me a very standard letter response thanking me for using their customer support, and providing links to OTHER customer support pages with which to ask my inquiry AGAIN.
This little experience has led my to believe that there might be a misunderstanding between your customers and your customer support that needs correcting right away. So allow me to take my time to specify something that you don’t seem to grasp:
Your customers are actual, living people.
It’s true! I know that that contradicts everything you were taught in the technical and business schools you went to that mistakingly led you to believe that your customers were just a bunch of walking wallets. But the truth is that that phenomon you know as “customers” that mysteriosly provides you with about $300 every time one item dissapears from your inventory are actual, thinking, breathing, living human beings.
I know this is a shock. But I’m confident you can handle it. After all, everyone in your company from the CEO to the janitors have a PhD in at least 3 areas. However, allow me again to specify that having a PhD doesn’t make you anymore of a human being than the poor blokes who actually waste hours of their precious lives on your hugely ineffective customer support page.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, allow me to provide the next mind-boggling idea that you should take to heart: if your customers are human beings, you should put more effort into helping them than what it takes to hit the “reply” button.
I know you guys absolutely delight in spending all day talking to your computer, but most of us actually need a human to clarify the situation. As you can see in the above letter I’ve provided, my problem was created because I don’t understand computers. What’s more, anything the computer provided as help was wholly ineffective. It doesn’t take a PhD to realize that automatic answers spewed out by the computer is probably not going to help me until the day the basic underlying laws of the Universe are rewritten.
So, in conclusion, your customers are humans, your customer support is not up to snuff, and you need to sit up straight and fly right.
There. Now is that so difficult a concept to grasp? Perhaps that insta-reply computer of yours won’t understand a lick of this, but any intelligent, thinking human will be able to understand every word of this letter, and take it to heart.
…………………….If you even HAVE PEOPLE WORKING THERE! I mean, seriously, WTF!!?? I just spent a solid five minutes trying to clarify my problem so that even AN IDIOT could understand it, AND YOU DON’T EVEN LOOK AT IT????? Aren’t you people PAID ENOUGH TO CARE???? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE???!!!! ARE YOU ALL JUST PSYCHOPATHS OR SOMETHING?????? You know what your problem is? YOU’RE TOO DAMN SMART. You’ve figured out how to be able to spend your life DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP, and you’ve become the biggest software company in the world! Congratulations, You’re a proffesional SOCIOPATH!!!!!! You know, if it wouldn’t get me thrown in prison, I’d take a bat and
I’m certain that together we can work this out.
Sincerely,
A unsatisfied customer.
